I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
