Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
