that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
