Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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