First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
