my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
