just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
