I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
