Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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