tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
