I'm really into asian looking animals
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
