You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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