This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
