Umm I'm too high to move.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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