Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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