I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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