He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize