Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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