I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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