I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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