yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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