I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
