he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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