the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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