My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
