people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
