I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
