are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
