If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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