I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize