the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
