I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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