for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
