What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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