i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
