It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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