He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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