Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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