I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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