Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize