i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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