Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Two words: nipple clamps
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