even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
