who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
