Taylor Swift is so right about you.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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