you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
