I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
