If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize