I must be too annoying 4 u.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
