U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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