go do what you do best...puke behind churches
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
