where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
