we have officially mastered the walk of shame
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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