I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
