i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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