I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize