Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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