i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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