I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
