I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
