Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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