i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so let's talk penis.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
