I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
His nipple licking is glorious
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