Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
honey bunches of taint.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
