And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The Olympian is in my bed
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
