neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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