went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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