Porn is love you can see.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
