Betty ford says i'm here all night
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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