ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
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