did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Randomize
