I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
