She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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