Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she told me i tasted like america
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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