I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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