Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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